I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
