I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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