I have demons in me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
