You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she told me i tasted like america
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
