I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I looked at my own cervix.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
