I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is my gift to your gina
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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