just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
