I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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