so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
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Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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