He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
