I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
