I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
