Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
