bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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