so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
