She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
ttyl tear gas
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
