im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
