Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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