final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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