big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
