It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
