OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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