It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
