So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
