I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
