Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
do herpes really smell.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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