all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
