Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
