i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
