My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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