I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize