i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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