i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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