Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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