Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm just crazy horny about you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
