we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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