Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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