If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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