I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
