well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
