I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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