I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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