So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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