hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
