Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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