she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
