Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
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Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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