I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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