I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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