So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
