Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
