There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
