i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
