Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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