i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
