I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
