sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
