i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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