It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
